So there, the lonesome traveler

As I woke up this morning, I saw a CD on the dining table and thought that it was the Hikaru No Go CD that I have bought two days ago. Hikaru No Go almost single handedly revived the interests in Go among younger people, and also not so young people. A lot of new players that I know of started to play Go because of Hikaru No Go.

Soon after returning from breakfast and without a newspaper in hand, I grabbed the CD and put in into the player. To my surprise, it is not the Hikaru No Go CD but a CD by one of my wife’s colleague, Alan Wong. I have heard stories from my wife about him and apparently to produce this CD, he let go of some of his properties.

Afterall, producing a solo album is the dream of his life and now he has finally made it. A dream come true. It is amazing that people has that courage and determination to do that sort of things, to fulfill a dream. It is truly amazing and very inspiring, and I begin, as usual, to think of what I am doing with my life.

I know of another person whose dream is to publish poems and she is now in fact a published poet. These kind of self determination to achieve one’s dream despite all the inherent risks is truly admirable.

The thing is that I do not really know what I am here for. There must be something for me to do on this earth? Have I really ever fought hard for something that I really dream of achieving? I really don’t know. I sometimes am not even sure if I have dreams. Life passes just like that. Day by day. Night by night. Minute by minute. Hour by hour. And we toil and work and play, but towards what objective besides self preservation and ensuring material comfort and status quo, I am not sure. Self preservation, material comfort and status quo cannot be said to be of any divine dream although for many other less fortunate people, that is a dream beyond their reach.

That aside, it is always foolish to remark that we are wasting food because people in some parts of Africa do not have enough food. It is simply not the right way to put this kind of things into the right perspective.

I do not want to force a dream upon myself. A dream has to come in a form of innate desire. Almost divine. Not created to fulfill one’s time and to achieve fame but is a fire burning deep down inside, something that must be done and achieved to live a fulfilled life.

Artificial dreams can be created. I can at this moment pronounce that my dream is to make a movie. Or to publish a solo album. Or to publish a novel. Or to be a great Go player. I can create this dream so that I will have some sort of target, to give a meaning to my life, although an artificial one. With that in hand, I can go on in life pretending to be someone I am not. I can make people envious and make them think highly of me because I have a dream. But at the end, all is emptiness. Nothingness. And at the end, you still live a hollow life.

What then is this thing called dream? I really do not know but if I have enough faith and look hard enough, perhaps it is then true that everyone on this earth has a certain duty to perform. Whether be a great parent whose dream is to see his children becoming good human beings, helping other human beings in a way that can change fellow human being’s destiny for the better, creating works of art, etc. These are all high flung, great sounding dreams. I am sure everyone also has their private, almost selfish, dreams. They just have to look for it deep inside. As for me, I am looking for it all the time. Only thing is sometimes I felt like I am living my dreams, sometimes part of me tells me that I am not.

Here are some pictures from my trip to Bangkok. As expected, we did not win any of the top spots in the tournament due to the high number of very good players there although we did fulfill the objective that we have set for ourselves. When we looked at the list of the participants and their credentials, we felt totally annihiliated. For example, China sent three representatives, two of which are professional players. The other is the world amateur champion. China got first place (of course!), followed by Korea and then by Taiwan. Japan got fourth.

We really felt that sending professional players to these kind of amateur championship is really unfair. Perhaps the organiser can look into setting a limit to the qualification, else everyone will feel bad because with professional players around, the rest of us will have zero chance of winning anything.

But all in all, it was a great trip. Made some new friends and learned a lot. Looking forward to more trips like this :)

Me against the world champion from China, Mr. Hu Yu Qing. It was very windy there.

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